Bread & Wine

The sacred…places and objects set aside by a people of faith to use solely for expressions of that faith. The profane…ordinary or everyday places and objects for everyday, common use.
Bread and wine. Two of my favorite things. Especially after a hard day of writing brilliant prose, and receiving nothing but scathing rejection letters. The life of a writer. But, on Sundays bread and wine take on a completely different meaning. Still comforting and sustaining, they now become blessed, holy and transcendent. Something I cannot go get for myself. I prepare myself, approach the rail, acknowledge God and receive “the gifts” from the priest or deacon.
While I grew up in a very non-liturgical, Evangelical church, which looked down on all things “Catholic.” I found the experience mostly lacking. Most people fell asleep, including my father (who has a doctoral degree in missions and a masters degree in New Testament. I always figured if he couldn’t stay awake, there was no need for me to pay attention, either.)
When I was nineteen, my mother, sister and I started attending a little Episcopal church. We had to stand up and sit down and recite things as a group. The priest said something and we had to respond back. There was no way to fall asleep. We were included. God calls us to participate, not be spectators. How can one participate in faith in daily life if they aren’t even allowed participate on Sunday mornings?
So, back to the bread and the wine…. On Mother’s Day I went to church with my mother, who now attends a different church from me. The minister told a story that struck me. He said he noticed every time the Communion plate was passed, (they sit in the pew and pass Communion in this church) people would rummage around for the smallest piece of bread they could find. Then one week he instructed those preparing for Communion to break all the pieces of bread large and evenly. Everyone was forced to take a large piece of bread. The bread equals the Body of Jesus Christ, which is the embodiment of God’s grace. He then said he wanted to administer the wine with a firehose, but thought he might get in too much trouble for the mess.
So often we go through life taking the smallest piece of everything for ourselves and leaving the larger, more generous portions for others. We serve everyone else wine at dinner and take the last sip for ourselves, insisting it is what we really wanted anyway. We don’t want to make a mess. I say we are fooling no one and that line is a load of crap that needs to be taken out to the trash and left there. We do not really want the smallest bite or sip. We want the whole loaf and whole bottle for ourselves. If we can start living life with the idea that we are just as worthy of grace and abundance as everyone else around us, then how much more will we have to share with those we love?
A whole loaf and a whole bottle. A little mess. A girl cannot give that what she has not received.

Better Late Than Never...

Okay, I think I was the last person to read The Da Vinci Code, which I did this fall. As anyone who is a writer or avid reader knows, you have a massive, mental reading list which just gets hopelessly longer with each new release. Then others find you are a writer/reader and cheerfully add more books to the list (whether or not you really want to read the suggested books, you smile and say, "of course I'll check it out!")

Anywho...I found The Da Vinci Code an interesting yarn, if not the best researched or unbiased (as someone with a Bible degree in Old Testament Literature). But I found myself thinking of this blog and it's title and how Mary Magdalene is the perfect heroine for The Sacred & The Profane. I've always been facinated by her...the historical and cultural impact of the words written about her are lost on the modern reader...she was affluent enough to follow Jesus around and support his ministry, no mention is made of a husband or wealthy father or brother and yet in that society, women had no income, no cash without men. This is where the Catholic story of Mary M. being a prostitute cropped up. This is totally unproven, yet so prevasive, and I think that says more about us as humans and our skewed view of faith than of Mary herself. Why are we so quick to think a well-to-do woman who finds faith and saving grace with Jesus must have a sketchy past? Why are we so quick to assume the worst of people? Why do we insist on pinning blame on someone, guilty until proven innocent? The French police did it to Robert & Sophie, the Church did it to Mary Magdalene. It is this concept of guilty until proven innocent and the faithful of Europe to pin their sin on someone else human that our own founding fathers were trying to correct and change with our own Declaration of Independence and Constitution.

As I just posted, this year has been rough, and I'm not proud of how I've behaved and reacted to things around me. But I certainly don't want to be judged for the rest of my life, or all eternity, on this year. I want to be someone who keeps growing and changing and asking for forgiveness and being forgiven and becoming a better person.

Perspective

The last month and a half has been a never-ending whirling dirvish of insane activities and sudden stops for illness. Why do these things always converge right as the rush of the holiday season picks up??? And, once one thing goes the tinsyist bit wrong, it feels like everything else snowballs like an Olympic downhill skiier? I don't know either.

But, I do know it's embarrassing that I haven't written anything since Election Day. My grand experiment to write daily or weekly to get the creative juices flowing has been floundering. Not that I haven't come up with several great blog entries...I just haven't seemed to have any control over what I do all day until I fall into bed around midnight. Hmmmm, sounds like a new year's resolution is lurking in there somewhere....

One thing I have gained perspective on is no matter how much you try and how hard you work, you just can't make things always go your way. As adults, we are supposed to accept this and work with this and move on in an adult way. Too bad there's no manual handed to you at 21 to tell you how to do this. The specifics of my posting? Doesn't really matter...isn't it always changing for each of us? It does for me. And I don't think a weekly laundry list of how I've failed for the whole world to read (okay, the three friends of mine who read this) isn't really productive or classy.

But, I do know that as I look back on 2006 - a year I can't wait to say good-bye to - I have been afraid to be confident
I have been afraid to ask for things I should have asked for, and had a right to ask for, of myself, my clients, my family, my boyfriend
I have put myself last
I have let fear and anger rule me

I am not proud of these things and look toward a new day, month and year to make changes. And isn't that the best thing about a new year? No matter how bad you sucked up the past year, you always get the chance to start anew and decide to make this coming year a little better than the one you are finishing. I love that about January, the new year. It is so full of promise and hope.

My sacred hope and prayer for myself and all of you is the courage to grab the opportunities in front of each of us and make 2007 a great year...or at least a good one...

God Bless in the New Year.